apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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