Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
