Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
