Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
