I'm jealous of your bromance
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
