A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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