Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
