Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You can't special order awesome
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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