i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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