he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
