i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize