I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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