I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
