to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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