Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
