I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
