did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
