Already got asked if we're dating
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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