Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
