It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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