ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
