Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
