You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I am morally bankrupt
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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