We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
