Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
