What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
