the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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