I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
