Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
