In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
