dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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