found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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