Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
we should paint friendship bongs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
