somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
