Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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