I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
