Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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