I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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