goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
that is very illegal...i love you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
