Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
