he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
