I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
