Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
