do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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