I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
porn star boner night. come get it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
