I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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