Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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