OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
