Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
