I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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