i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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