you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
