just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
