Having a random hookup so left but love u
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
