fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
