Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
