If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
