True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
