I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
