You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
