I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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